Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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