I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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