"it" just moved
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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