I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
