Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
