drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm too high and old for this...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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