I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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