you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
