i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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