dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize