Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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