just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
They are going to name an STD after you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
