scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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