OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
