Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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