My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
