i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
