mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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