OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
