Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
