Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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