Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
