I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
