It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
