Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
