Tell her she can't have a vagina
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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