More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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