sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
