1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm at about main and main street
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
