guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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