I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
