You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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