I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My vagina is officially offended.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
