dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
