I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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