you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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