Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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