He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
