so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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