My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
