Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
