Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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