I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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