I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
God I need to hump something, right now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
