"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize