Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
