i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
