i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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