I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
