yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
