he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
