somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
do nipples grow back?
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