i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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