you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
