She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
