I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
