u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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