Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
