Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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