Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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