Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
too bad you live with your parents still
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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