I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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