Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
