My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
