I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
