Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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