I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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