I am puke
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
